By Koryn | Leave A Comment
Now that all of our children are teenagers, I get a lot of comments from people asking, “You’re going to have THREE in college at the same time!? Oh my! $$$ ” Well, my response takes them back a bit, but our philosophy on this has worked for us. Kids will be more responsible with things they have A vested interest in, financially speaking.
Our culture has raised up a generation of children who have a sense of entitlement to everything they want in life. And the parents continue to oblige. Whether it is out of fear of rejection, fear of their children failing, struggling, whatever it may be,they are certainly not doing them any favors by giving the handouts over and over again, all the way through paying for their college educations and then allowing them to leach off them well after college graduation. We see it time and time again with our friends. Authors Ben Stine and Suze Orman, both financial wizards, advise parents NOT to wholeheartedly pay for their children’s college educations since, after all, the parents financial earning prospects are declining after age 45, and the children’s are only INCREASING at age 18! More than that, though, a child will put their heart into an education they themselves have had to fund, and this lesson begins much farther back than high school graduation.
When our kids turn 16 years old, we stop giving them an allowance (which by the way was always their age, every two weeks, i.e. age 10, equals = $10 every two weeks.) Now that may sound small, but it was what we could afford and believe me, our kids never ever complained. Age 16, and sometimes even younger, our kids began working for the things they wanted (mowing grass at age 12, refereeing soccer games at age 14, etc.) . Teaching a child the difference between a need and a want is CRITICAL. It is the foundation to their financial success in their lives. We pay for food, clothing and shelter, they pay for most everything else. AND if that clothing they want is a designer name brand? They pay the difference. I have a $40 limit on shoes. If they want the $60 Nike brand? They pay the difference. This teaches frugality and sensibility.
When our kids got their drivers’ licenses, they want to borrow my car? They pay for gas. They want a car? They buy it. They need car insurance, they pay for that too. They get a ticket? They pay for that. My late grandfather had given me some money to help the kids when that time came, but I made them match that amount so they would have a vested interest in the vehicle.
I’ll never forget the time we went home on vacation to visit the cousins. My son and his cousin were both seniors in high school at the time and I asked my nephew where his class ring was? (He wasn’t wearing it). You guessed it! He wasn’t wearing it because he hadn’t purchased it himself and it didn’t have quite the value to him as my son’s did to him. My son is a junior in college now and to this day he wears that high school class ring every day and takes great care of it. Why? Because he bought it with his hard earned money.
College is a huge expense even to a 19 year old kid. I am not saying that you shouldn’t help in every way you can to get your kids through college. We sit down together with our kids and lay out the cold hard numbers. We work together to find scholarships, grants and loans. We pay for their room and board, books and fees, but in the end, the majority will be paid with loans they have taken out, loans we have taken out they they will pay us back for, and money they have earned during their summers. And their grades will be maintained because of stipulations the scholarship foundations have placed on them, and they will walk with pride at that commencement ceremony knowing that they have earned that degree themselves. They will also have learned some of life’s most difficult lessons, that what you want shouldn’t come easy if it holds great value.
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Absolutely! I know a family who paid for all of their son’s college expenses, when actually, they really needed to save for retirement (and the father was having medical problems and wanted to retire asap).
The son had a part-time job, but that was his “spending money” and he never contributed to his education.
I suggested that he look into buying his textbooks used online since they’re much cheaper, and he told me that his parents would pay for them at the bookstore.
Um, if his parents knew that he could be saving them hundreds of dollars per semester, I think they’d have him go the cheaper route!
When students contribute financially to their education, it’s a better situation for everyone.
Wow! So nice to see that I’m not the only one with this philosophy. Seems like all you ever hear about is how we, the parents, should be squirrling away spare cash for our kids at every opportunity. This is PERFECT! (And it worked for ME! AND my husband, too!)
Great great article. I wish my parents read this:)
You nailed it with this! I worked my way through college, as did my husband, my two oldest step-children, and as my oldest son is doing now. There is such a sense of accomplishment when at the awarding of the degree you say to yourself, “This is mine, I earned it!” And there are ways other than taking out loans to secure an education. My son works for a company that offers tuition reimbursement. Yes, it’s hard for him to work full time, and yes, it’s taking him longer than four years to get his degree. The flip side, though, is that his tuition is *free* and he has accrued zero debt upon graduation. Can it get any better?
We won’t be paying a dime for our kids’ college educations. There is no reason in the world why a kid can’t work and attend college at the same time. I’ve worked with way too many coddled and lazy twenty-somethings who take a part time job for spending money because Daddy pays for rent, car, and college. Since they don’t “need” the money, there’s no real motivation to do their best on the job. I refuse to raise my kids with this anti-work ethic. With the myriad grants and scholarships available to good students, I feel confident that my kids will be able to attend any university they choose without any need for parental funding.
My parents’ contribution to my college education was letting me live at home for free while I went to school locally. Of course, this only worked because we had a community college and public university in our city. I was able to get through my first two years at a community college debt-free with working and scholarships, and then I used a student loan for my last two years at the university. Now I have my degree and, since I didn’t need any loan money for room and board and only financed my last two years, my payment is only $80 a month!
And, since I was responsible for the bill, you can bet I had a very rude awakening when I had to retake a class and PAY for it again! Passing a class becomes extra important when it translates to hours at a summer job or balance on a student loan.
I think this a good philosophy generally..I certainly helped pay for my education although my parents could have afforded to put me through school entirely. But I want to say that I don’t think it’s quite as simple as that all the time. I think a lot of it has to do with the kid. My sister and I were raised exactly the same way and our parents had the same expectations, but they just didn’t work for my sister. She wasn’t the kind of kid who felt pride in doing it herself…she was shy and nervous and just needed extra help. I will strive to follow these ideas with my own kids, but hope that I can be flexible when and if its needed! Good article.
I have a friend with two college-age kids. She contributes ‘x’ amount to their college education. They had to choose whether to put that towards an in-state school or a more expensive, out-of-state school. It made the girls sit down and take a cold hard look at the numbers. They both chose in-state schools resulting in smaller student loans for themselves for the balance. That feels like a good balance to me.
I have mixed feelings on this article. First, I think it really depends on the student/child. If they are a good student, determined to get good grades and are involved in extracurricular activities, then I say that the majority of the time the child does appreciate their education. Especially if they put in hard hours doing school work as well as school related tasks. Second, with the prices of gas (average of $4 a gallon for regular) and the rising prices of food and basically everything else, that the parents should contribute the overall cost of the education. I do agree that the child should get some kind of part-time job, such as an on-campus job, to earn money while gaining experience in a working environment and adding skills to their resumes. This money can be decided to be saved during the year and then put toward tuition, or to be used for spending money on things such as school trips, or heck even a bite out to dinner with friends! If the child is trustworthy, obtains good grades, and treats money well then I think it is the parents responsibility to foot the bill. There are many ways to save money while going to college; one of them is purchasing “new/used” books on amazon.com. Instead of purchasing brand new books at the school bookstore, spend a few days researching books online and your book bill will be cut in half. Due to this however, the students should pay for their own books.
Scholarships and grants are another way to cut tuition, but do not always be confident that scholarships will be available every year or that your child will receive one. Even the best students, do not always get the best of scholarship winnings.
On the other side, if the child is the opposite of the child in my explanation, then yes, they should foot the bill. They will see at the end of the road what hard work pays off in the end.