By Jersey_Girl | Leave A Comment
Adult step-kids living at home can be a REAL challenge!! I think that there are many things that need to be discussed before an adult step-kid moves in from living on their own.
Basic Ground Rules. The first thing that needs to be discussed is ground rules. What is expected, what chores are expected, if rent will be paid or not, and whether or not they are responsible for buying food, the time frame for them moving out. etcetera. This should all be spelled out well in advance to the adult step-kid moving back in.
Employment. I think that this should be a condition of an adult step-kid living in the house. I have seen way too many step-kids think that they don’t have to work because they are living at home. I have seen it with my own step-kids. Whether they work in a grocery store or work in a office, they need to work. Also, I think periodic checks of employment should be required as well.
Saving money. I think there should a definite plan as to how much money they will save each month/week/year. It needs to be understood that they need to save money because they won’t be living at home forever, and they need to be responsible for themselves one day.
Term of living at home. I think this is a biggie. There needs to be a definite time limit as to how long the adult step-kid will live at home. It needs to be understood and that they need to get their act together and out of the house within that time frame. They need to understand that they are getting a “hand up” and not a “hand out.”
Visitors. Hours that friends can visit should be defined. If the step-kid is in a relationship, it should be clearly spelled out the hours that this person can visit.
Can their boyfriend/girlfriend stay overnight?
How many nights? Where will he/she sleep?
Will you allow them to be in the step-child’s bedroom with the door closed?
Can they have alcohol in the house?
These items need to be taken into consideration when an adult step-kid may be allowed to move back home. I can assure you that it will not be easy to have an adult step-kid living with you. However, going through the above points will help to ease the tension.
Jersey Girl can also be found blogging about her step life at Steppin’ Stuff.
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Shouldn’t all of this be discussed whether it’s a step child or a bio child?
I’m glad that my step mom loves me for who I am – and loves me one of her daughters, not just her step. Not that I’ve found the need to move back in, but wow, just wow.
My daughter (my husband is her step-dad) just moved back in. It was very sudden, unexpected. We agreed on a time when she’ll either be home for the night or out for the night, staying with a girlfriend. A later time on weekends of course than weeknights. And we are doing a 6 weeks free kind of thing, where in March she’ll begin paying a rent amount. It’s less than she’d pay for even a cheap apartment, but enough to make her have to balance her checkbook every month. Her plan is actually to be out by March, but we set this up so that should she decide to stay longer, which is OK, we’d all know what is expected.
And I’m sure everyone knows this, but it’s all a lot easier than it sounds!
I am assuming that the author of this post focused on step kids because in her situation it was her step child moving back in. However, I see where Jenny is coming from because this very much seems like it should apply to ALL adult kids, not just the steps.
To clarify, is this for all adult kids? I am assuming so since, after all, the home the young person moved back into contains one biological parent as well.