Between Hope and Fear is an online journal written by Mandi Ehman. You can find the Between Hope and Fear archives here or access all of Blissfully Domestic’s online journals here.

I’m now 9 weeks pregnant, and I’ve spent the last 2 weeks dealing with such extreme nausea and exhaustion that there’s been no time to worry and no doubt in my mind that I’m carrying a healthy baby.

And yet, I’ve realized that I’ve almost started to trust in my fear and worry as a way to protect the baby.

I know that sounds silly, but I’ve been afraid to say out loud that I think this baby is healthy – not only because I’m afraid of the embarrassment and grief of saying that and then miscarrying, but also as if that will somehow jinx my pregnancy.

There are so many things wrong with living this way, not the least of which is that I’m a Christian, and the God I serve – the God of the Bible – is not one to jinx His followers. Rather, the God I know rewards the faith of His people.

And with that, as I fight off another wave of nausea – although the moments of relief are perhaps becoming more frequent, as they should at this stage – I am happy to declare that I believe this baby to be healthy and growing as it should. I believe, and hope with all of my heart, that I will be holding this tiny little one in just 7 months.
Photo by racingstu