By SarahB | Leave A Comment
We are just a few short weeks away from Mother’s Day. Father’s Day follows in June. A common topic that seems to arise is do you help your child buy gifts for their other parent for special occasions – whether it’s Mother’s or Father’s Day, a birthday or some other occasion.
There seems to be two general schools of thought on this topic:
A) “My ex doesn’t have anyone to help our child pick out a gift for him. I’ll help our child pick out the gift.”
or
B) “My ex’s significant other/mother/brother/postal carrier can help our child pick out a gift. I’d rather not take part in the shopping for my ex.”
We’ve always been in Camp B – but my stepson’s mother has always had involved family members that could help him pick out a gift for his mom. Likewise, I’ve handled the gift giving from my stepson to his dad on our end with no assistance from his mom. We’ve been lucky in that because both sides know that it’s covered, we’ve never had the “Should we, shouldn’t we” debate about helping with gift giving.
Which camp are you in – A or B, or some other scenario?
Photo credit: Brittany Culver on Flickr
ABOUT SarahB
Sarah is a wife, and a mother to two daughters, aged 8 and 5. She's is the stepmother to a 14-year-{read more}
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Aiden is only 3 so I usually try and help him make something. (put a picture in a frame, draw a card) nothing pricey or super nice but still lets him know that I do appreciate that he is a good father.
But, I think that’s PERFECT! I think it’s awesome to get your son involved and when the child makes the gift, it truly IS from your child. Good idea.
Well.. I was thinking about this one the other day.
I will take my boyfriend’s son with me to the store in June and have him pick out something for his Dad. I have no idea how his mother does this (it is our first year together.) however no matter what she chooses my path won’t change.
I know that this year sets the precedence for years to come, it is how I see things should be.
Did you do this with your stepson before you were married?
Do you still get things for your ex from your other kids?
I would get a card from the girls for him, but that is it.
I have always helped my step-daughter make something for her mom. The situation is pretty tense all of the time, but she really likes crafting with me. I think that it gives her time to talk about her mom to me, knowing that it is really “ok” to talk about her mom, without hurting my feelings (not that it ever hurts my feelings, but she worries that it does.)
One year she painted a pot and planted some flowers to give to her mom, last year she decopauged an old frame we weren’t using and we put a pic of her in it.
We never do anything expensive, but we always do something, plus it helps build our relationship because we are doing it together.
Her mother never reciprocates the gesture though, not that it matters because I help her make a gift for her dad too!
With my son, the situation is different, his stepmom takes him to get things for his dad, and my husband takes him to get things for me. Not that there is any bad blood, but that is just how it is. I suppose if he ever wanted to get anything for his dad, I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I always help him pick out something small for his brother’s (at his dad’s house) birthdays though.
Yup, in the beginning, I did indeed handle gifts for my husband from his son (it might be petty, but I really wanted the gifts to come from US and not the ex).
I have my SD in the summer. And it always hurts my feelings that her mom does not help her get us Christmas Gifts or Birthday presents. Sometimes I get a card for Mother’s Day. I always make sure that SD sends her Step Dad a card and gift for Father’s Day.
SD and I shop together for her dad for his birthday and father’s day. And she and my husband shop together for our anniversary.
I have been a step-mother before and am considering it again. The problem I have now is I am seriously dating someone I dated a few years ago. When we broke up back then he went back to his ex “because of the kids.” So, there are some weird jealousies I am dealing with in regard to that. I never would have dated him then if I had known he still had feelings for her (I don’t like the for the kids line-I never went back to my ex.). Anyway, fast forward, and we are back together as both of us can’t seem to forget each other and move on. So, this may seem dumb, but yesterday he told me (I asked) that he bought his ex flowers (he also bought the same for his own mother and sister). He was so sweet and bought be a more special present as I also have a child by my first husband (are you keeping up Springer fans?). I am so worried about how I am feeling and how I can deal with these jealous feelings I am having. She has nothing on me, but I think because of the history I expected him to be more sensitive. He says he worries all the time I will continue to rub the fact that he went back to her in his face…but when things like this happen it hits me in the stomach. I simply don’t want him to do things for her anymore… My ex didn’t give me anything from my son and I didn’t think a thing of it. My mom helped my son get me something…which makes me more comfortable and him too. I think I am carrying around a lot of anger on how my first husband didn’t have boundries and I don’t want to look jealous and pathetic… Can anyone give me some words of wisdom? It seems easier to say than do…
From what I’ve read on coparenting: parents should assist the child in recognizing the other parent on days like father’s/mother’s day and birthdays of the other parent. It shows the child that their mom/dad does not judge the child’s love for the other. You have to remove yourself from thinking, this is for her/him. It’s for your child.
I wanted to add, thought my ex did not assist my son in doing this for mother’s day, my son did bring things home from school that recognized me. It was sweet. I did help my son on father’s day, which he asked the week of mother’s day if I would help do for father’s day and his father’s birthday. We did bring together some of his drawings, a framed picture of him with his dad when he was a new born, and some tickets to a military museum (which we won in a raffle).