Chores seem to be one hotly debated topic by moms; on the internet, at mom’s group, in magazine articles and real life. Do you expect kids to do chores? Do you pay them for everyday chores or ones above the norm? Is it part of running a household and they MUST pitch IN?

Now, how do you manage all that with a special needs child?

The trick is, you need to look at your child as a whole and determine an answer based on the child.

First, look at your child’s abilities. Can they follow simple directions? Do they need written instructions, picture instructions or verbal prompting to get a task done? What is their age level, physically and mentally? What is the nature of their disability?

For example, a child with moderate to severe Cerebral Palsy should not be expect to vacuum or mop, but can help set a table or help bring items from one parent to another (for example, if mom needed a roll of paper towels in the bathroom).

I also have a friend of mine who was born with mild CP whose parents never expected her to do chores. As an adult, it hasn’t been hard on her to help out with what she can do at her parents‘ house, but I think that’s the exception rather than the norm.

Second, look at what motivates your child. Is it praise, stickers, Hot Wheels, money? What is the best reward for your child? Decide with your other half how and if to reward your child for their chores. This may be necessary at first for some children, but it does not need to be outlandish. A chart with checkboxes or stickers can work very effectively for cause and effect in some children. Others may not respond or care that their sticker chart is blank. You will need to determine the best motivator based on the disability.

Third, decide how your child will be assigned chores. Will it be the same method as other siblings or will they have their own set of chores every week? My son has five chores based on age: Use Potty, Pick up toys, Brush teeth, Get Dressed and Put Shoes Away. He does get asked to do other things on occasion, such as put a dish in the sink. And his chores are reviewed on a regular basis to make sure he is doing age and developmentally appropriate chores..

Finally, decide how the child will be reminded to do their chores. Will they be done one day a week or at the same time every day? Will there be directions where the chore needs to take place, being pictures or written in smaller steps? Will you remind the child the steps as he/she does the chore? Will they receive any rewards after the chore is complete or once a week like other siblings may receive?

Jennifer writes the blog, Toast on the Ceiling, to help her deal with day to day life of a mom with SPD, speech delays, low muscle tone, and other moms who think Jennifer is too hard on her SN kid.