It seems perfectly natural that there would be a good bit of competition among multiple-birth siblings. And while most of us know that making comparisons and encouraging too much competition among them could be detrimental to their self-esteem and emotional development, is there ever a time when a little healthy competition could be a good thing?

We’ve been mulling over this question a lot around here. Is it ever OK to encourage competition? Say, for instance, you have one child who is especially helpful when it comes to clean-up time. Is it wrong to encourage the others to try to be like her when the playroom is a disaster? Or if one of them is super cooperative about trying new foods, is the end result of healthier eating habits an acceptable justification for fostering an atmosphere of competition at the dinner table?

According to Adele Farber, author of Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too, any kind of comparisons can have a negative impact. “Anytime you view a child through the prisms of another child you damage them both.”

Anytime you view a child through the prisms of another child you damage them both.

Now obviously I do not want to “damage” my children. Quite the contrary, I want to raise them to be confident and happy individuals. But in the course of just trying to get through another day together, I find myself making these comparisons.

• “Boys, please go help your sister clean up that mess. She’s so good at tidying up!”
• “Look how quickly your brother got himself dressed. He’s already ready to go to church and you still have your pajamas on!”
• “Would you please at least try that cauliflower? Your sister ate hers and she’s going to grow up to be strong and healthy!”

When it comes time for my children to choose extra-curricular activities, I’ll again be challenged to encourage individuality. It would be much easier on me if they all participate in the same sports, music lessons, etc. And yet they would likely benefit from the opportunity to find their own unique talents.

And so…here’s another area where I walk the tight rope that extends precariously between surviving life with triplets and being the best mom I can be for them. And I’ll just continue to try hard to make sure my love for them provides the safety net we’ll all need when I lose my balance.