The Art of the Polite Decline.

How do you help a 12-yr-old learn to choose between the good things in her life and the most important things? How do you help her turn down one invitation gracefully while accepting another with poise?

Read the first of this series: Tweens And Time Management

Grace and Poise.

Those are two attributes adults spend much of their lives attempting to master. Can you really expect your tween to figure out the big stuff so young? Probably not without a little parental navigation. And certainly you should expect some speed-bumps along the roadway of your favorite tween’s life.

We witnessed what I’m sure will be the first of many ‘fender benders’ in our tween’s decision making drive of life. She got a low grade in Math on a midterm report card a few weeks back. When I asked her about it (she has been pulling A’s and B’s all year) she replied, “Don’t call the teacher! It was just the one test. I understand it better now and my grade will be back up in a couple weeks.” I believed her and waited a few weeks before contacting the teacher to see how she was doing. He shared that her grade was slightly worse and that it mainly had to do with the fact that she hadn’t turned in 2 of the last 3 assignments.

WHAT? This isn’t my kid? She’s normally uber responsible. And I have been asking her daily “is your homework done today?” with the resulting recurring answer “yeah mom, it’s done”.

So what gives?

Turns out the past Tuesday there was an assignment sent home and never turned in. And that particular Tuesday after school, she had her community children’s choir practice, then piano, immediately followed by a band concert. All really great things of course?

I’m not sure which is worse. That she didn’t do her homework or that she has been telling me that she is getting it done when she isn’t?

She has some course corrections to make. And we need to clear up our expectations. Creating a better decision road map.

• The community thing is lots of fun, but it cannot come before schoolwork.
• Piano is every week, so if Tuesdays are common days to get homework, see about changing the date.
• The band concert has been on the calendar for months. She really has to start thinking ahead. On the week of a concert or other big event, she could schedule extra homework time before and after.
• Can she turn off some of the other ‘good’ things that week?
• Maybe trade out household jobs and chores with her sister on a jam packed day, for a less congested day later that week.

What has worked with your Jr. High kid? Navigating the heavy traffic of tween life will take some tune-ups. Helping your kids switch from the winding fast lane over to the ‘makes sense’ lane will be worth it in the long haul.

photo credit: photoxpress.com