Many of us are blessed to have grandparents who are involved in the lives of our children. Whether they live close by or across the world, they love their grandchildren and want the best for them. But what if you disagree on what is best for their grandchildren, your children? How can you show them love and respect, even when you disagree?

We have encountered differences big and small with our parents while raising our children. Here is what I have learned about keeping a cool head when going head-to-head with the grandparents.

• Pick your battles. Know what is important to you and be firm about it. If not allowing your child to eat a cookie before dinner is worth the fight, then be ready to stand your ground. But if you have to give in on the little things to keep the peace, it may be worth it in the long run.
• Clearly communicate your reasons and motivation. It is not a rejection of their parenting methods or practices. Your decisions are based on what you feel is best for your child.
• Be gracious and kind, not arrogant and snobby. They may honestly not understand why you have to have organic milk for your toddler. Explain your decision in a way that does not insult their intelligence or make them feel incompetent.
• Emphasize the similarities instead of the differences in your parenting styles. At our house, we don’t do Santa. But we do incorporate other family traditions like reading the Nativity story on Christmas Eve. We don’t dwell on the fact that Santa is not part of our celebration.
• Make them a part of the process, not an observer. After you help them see your point of view, let them feel they have a say in the decision. You may hear, “Well, even though I really think Jimmy should take piano lessons, I understand that he has a natural talent for basketball. Maybe he got that speed from my side of the family!”
• Do not blame them for something from your childhood. Don’t say, or even imply, something like, “If you hadn’t given me Fruit-Loops and Mt. Dew for breakfast every morning, maybe I would have done better in math.”
• Save the drama for your Mama, literally. If there is a serious disagreement, don’t hash it out in front of the kids. While you are teaching them to respect their parents (you!), you show them that you respect your parents! You want to encourage a positive relationship between them and their grandparents.

Disagreements may happen, but remember you are on the same team!

Sandra keeps the grandparents informed of everything happening at her house at Celebrate Everyday.  She also blogs with friends at Today’s Housewife.

(images: eliselovesprada)