From my moment my youngest daughter was born, she was nearly 180 degrees different from her older sister. While my oldest, The Princess, was a good sleeper who adopted “through the night” sleep habits by six weeks of age, my youngest daughter Pumpkin STILL wakes up at night sometimes — and she’s now four years old!

While The Princess is an even-tempered, conflict avoidant kid, Pumpkin is outspoken and doesn’t hold back (though it’s partly a function of being four, The Princess was never like this).

Initially, when The Princess was born and her temperament and personality was so different than my stepson’s I thought to myself, “Well, they only share half the genetics and they live in totally different environments. OF COURSE they’re going to have differences.” Of course, that theory had to be amended when Pumpkin was born — because even though she and her sister have the same pair of genetic contributors and live in the same house under the same rules, the two of them are like night and day.

And that’s fine.

I mean, to some degree it keeps me and Hubby on our “parenting game”. Clearly, a one size fits all approach isn’t going to work with both kids. We’ve had to adapt and tailor our parenting strategies somewhat, to best meet the needs of each child. Now, that doesn’t mean that each kid has a different set of rules, per se. No, our expectations are the same for each of our daughters (and Stepson too when he’s in our home) – but the way in which we communicate those expectations is different.

In the classroom, I’m finding that our kids carry on their differences even when not under our roof. The Princess thrives when she is challenged and is excelling in her classes. She likes to know exactly what is expected of her, what happens when, and where she’ll be at any particular time. Pumpkin needs a little more freedom – she doesn’t want to follow a schedule, necessarily (though she’ll have to learn how), as long as the end product is the same, she prefers a more fluid path to reaching that point.

So what does that mean, exactly? Well, I’m finding that as a parent it means that sometimes it’s not enough to just be satisfied that once the children are out the door that the teachers have everything figured out. I have hesitated to get involved but after a talk with The Princess’s teacher, during which I said, “I really don’t want to step on your toes!” she told me, “I have a background in education. YOU have a background in your child.”

No one knows your child and his or her temperament like you do. Sometimes a cookie cutter approach isn’t going to cut it – in the house or at school. Keep the lines of communication open with your child’s teacher and keep your eyes open, but most importantly embrace your child for all his or her quirks and traits and characteristics that make him or her the kiddo you love so much.