This is the second in a series on the impact of special needs on parents.

As parents of children with different needs than typical kids, we tend to think beyond what most parents probably do. Overthinking issues is an activity we engage in regularly – sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of habit.

This is usually a good thing for our “special” kids, but what about our “typical” kids who are not affected with any type of special need? Is this fair to them?

Two of my three boys have special needs, and they do not struggle with the same issues; but I often find myself dealing with one in a manner intended for the other out of habit. For example, my son with the mood disorder does not need for me to make him repeat something I have just said to him to make sure he heard it like my son with autism.

When I find myself pushing “special needs parenting” on the wrong son, it often causes problems because he feels as though I am not trusting him or am treating him too immaturely. This is when I must step back, think through the issue at hand through fresh eyes and ask if I am seeing the situation for what it is worth, or if I am seeing it through my “special needs mom” filter.

It is inevitable, this blurring of the lines between our children and their different needs. However, what is most important is our awareness of this issue and it’s potential to cause problems.

Being cognizant of this and making a concerted effort to put the brakes on when we see it happening goes a long way. And allowing our “typical” children to speak up without fear of reprimand when we do not realize we are doing it will give them a sense of trust in us as more than just an authority over them, but as people who can (and do!) makes mistakes just like they do.

What tactics do you use to keep from “over parenting” your typical kids?

photo by annikaleigh