This is an excerpt from the online journal, Wife in the Pastor Lane, written by Amy Norton.

DH and I met over nine years ago, in a club of all places.  I was a girl fresh into college and he was a deejay.  He was a Christian, as was I, but a pastoral job was the last thing on his mind!  That was fine with me.  You see, God and I had a deal: I would make someone a good wife one day, but I would NEVER be married to a pastor.  Never.

I had nothing against pastors; I certainly had nothing against their wives.  In fact, pastors’ wives have always amazed me.  The ones I knew were calm, kind, good Christians, and complimented their husbands well.  I did not want to be a pastor’s wife because I knew I could never be like them! I could not handle the expectations, the example I knew I would have to set, the leader I would be unable to be.

I am a Type-A kind of gal, the A standing for aggressive.  My DH is a laid-back, easy-going Type-Be.  We mesh well as a couple.

I am also a planner, an organizing nut, the my-way-is-the-only-way control freak, and resident know-it-all.  This personality is fine unless you believe what the Bible says about submission and the role of a husband and pastor.  Uh-oh.

Fast-forward to 2009.  DH and I have survived the birth of three daughters, four moves (within the same town), a seminary degree, numerous youth events, very loud arguments over how the ministry should be run (some of them public), and my decision to take a giant step back from helping (this one we are still struggling with).

I look like I have it all together; it looks great on the outside.  Inside, however, I am quivering with fear.  Fear that it is all going to come apart.  Fear that someone will see through me.  The fear of failure.  I have all of these people watching me, and I never asked for that responsibility.

I still haven’t figured out why God has called me to this place.  It looks so different from what I imagined my life to be.  The feeling of inadequacy is smothering.

Photo by http://doxxa.files.wordpress.com/

Amy is the wife of a youth pastor and has four girls that call her Momma.  She loves blogging at AllAccessAmy and bragging about her girls at ThreeLittleNortonGirls.  She is happiest at home with her girls, homeschooling, homemaking, and cleaning up after everyone.  And, drinking too much coffee!