“The weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful…”

Cool crisp weather means the joy of the holidays are right around the corner.  So, too, are their sometimes less-joyful cousin:  family gatherings.

photo credit: mrMark

Most of us look forward to reconnecting with relatives during the holiday season, but quite often there are one or two relatives who create stress with their mere presence.  Don’t let a Scrooge or two ruin your holidays!  Instead, decide to make the best of it.

1. 

   photo credit: AlphaTangoBravo (Adam Baker)

   Set realistic expectations. If your family structure resembles a jigsaw puzzle with some missing pieces, you set yourself up for disappointment when you expect a picture-perfect event.  Lower the bar.  Seriously!  Decide ahead of time that you can enjoy the day, mishaps and all.  Expect some poor behavior, just make sure it isn’t yours.

2. You can only control your own behavior.  We all know, deep down, that cousin Jeff isn’t going to stop being pretentious no matter how often we protest.  We need to let go of Jeff’s behavior.  Trying to fix him will only ruin your day.  Remember suggestion 1:  expect Jeff to be pretentious and enjoy your day in spite of it.
3. Create some space.  Just because you’re all together for the holidays, doesn’t mean you’re stuck listening to Aunt Beth’s unending diatribe against the government.  Is she in the living room?  Help in the kitchen.  Is she cooking?  Take the kids outside to play.  Yes, you’ll still engage with her for part of the visit, but you don’t have to be her audience the entire time.  Remember suggestions 1 and 2:  She’s going to rant, and you’re not going to change her.  You can enjoy the day anyway.
4. Have a mantra.  “It’s only a few hours,” “My mom loves seeing us all together,” “The kids are having so much fun.”  Think about the reasons you DO enjoy being together and focus on those.  Choose one to silently repeat to yourself when things get difficult.  My favorite, “I can sleep in tomorrow.”