A huge issue in blended families is house rules. There are usually differences of opinions betwen the bioparents regarding rules in their respective houses, and the stepparent[s] may also disagree with the bioparent[s] regarding house rules. Each person’s views on rules are usually established from their formative years and their values. Most people do not share identical values or childhoods.

The stepparent and their bioparent should make a list of house rules together. After the list has been created, it should be communicated to the children in the household. Some examples of some house rules are:

Clean and put your own dishes in the sink
Clean your room once a week.
Responsible for washing your own clothes.
Curfew is at x time.
Chores are _____________________.

There should be a time where the kids can ask for clarification and the rule can be discussed further. This does not mean that the bioparent and stepparent are backing down. It just means that there is clarification and discussion regarding the rules of the house. Also, the bioparent and stepparent should tell the kids what the consequences will be for breaking any of the rules. The consequences for the breaking of the house rules should be non-negotiable. The consequence could be not being allowed to go out the next time they ask, no telephone privileges for a certain period of time, loss of internet privileges, or whatever other consequence the bioparent or stepparent feels is reasonable and appropriate.

I think the main key to successfully enforcing the house rules is to enforce the consequence each and every time a house rule is broken. If the parents get into the habit of not enforcing the house rules, there will be chaos. Then, the kids will think that they can get away with breaking more of the house rules and it snowballs from there. I know, because I have BTDT with my own stepkids.

The rules, of course, can always be revised and/or changed as time goes on. If the list changes, then the new rules need to be given to the kids. Consequences for breaking the new rules need to be enforced as well.

Enforcing house rules will make things run smoother in the house. Also, kids need to understand that there are others to consider in the house and the house rules are designed to consider others in the house. Making sure that the kids know how to consider others will help them in their years ahead at work and in their home lives when they move out on their own.

You can also find Jersey Girl talking steplife at Steppin’ Stuff.