By Andria | Leave A Comment
My best friend Heather likes to often remind me of what I had planned for my life. Sitting on the floor by her bed as young girls, we painted our nails, and gossiped. We made plans, of what would one day be. “I want 6 kids before I turn 32, all stair stepped. That way, each one will have a sibling to be buddies with. And, I am going to homeschool them all”, I stated.
Fast forward years later, and that dream has vanished into thin air. Life didn’t turn out how I had planned it, and I am approaching the end of my twenties, with two children. I never thought that I would carry the burden that many women today bear- secondary infertility.
Infertility knocked me for a loop. I had three miscarriages in a row, and underwent several procedures in the hopes to fix the issues I had. I had artificial insemination and in February of 2007, found out that there were two. Then, I lost one. The other persevered, and Blake was born in November of 2008.
Throughout the ordeal of trying to get pregnant, and more importantly, stay pregnant, I thought to myself that I would be content if I could just have that one baby. Now, I look at my two children, and I don’t feel that our family is complete. I keep thinking, just one more, would complete the package. Or, maybe two.
I asked a friend recently, who has four children of her own, how she knew that she was done. “You just know”, Rhonda said.
“After having the twins, I knew that I was done. Sure, I crave the smell and squishiness of a newborn every once in a while, but I really do feel that I’m done with being pregnant”, she explained. She felt it soon after giving birth, but waited several years after the birth of the girls just to be sure. Her husband had a vasectomy after careful consideration. “We felt it was best for our family”, she says.
I fear that one day, when I am older, I will regret not having just one more. Which is why, I know that I want another, in the near future. While I don’t have a specific number in mind, I don’t think I will get to the 6 children mark. Money, patience, and my nerves just aren’t suited to that many.
How about you? How many children do you wish to have? Already have? If you are done having children, what was the deciding factor not to have anymore? Please join us on the forum for a discussion!
Read more about Andria’s trip through inferility, and much more over at Andria and Co.
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My “plan” was to give birth to 4 and adopt 8 and homeschool them all. I didn’t care about stair steps so much and I didn’t have a specific time frame for reaching that goal. Thanks to infertility, it took 10 years of various sorts of efforts to have a child. Our son joined our family a year ago at the age of 9. He is so much more than I ever dreamed, and we are the ones who have benefited the most from adoption. Now we are in a time of huge transition with a career change and heading back to college for DH and a move across a couple states and it just doesn’t look like we’ll be in a position to adopt again for awhile. I love, love, love our family of 3, but I’m not sure we’re done. When considering the facts, I’m not sure my reasons for wanting more aren’t totally selfish, and with all of the intense preparations required to adopt, I’m not sure I can convince DH to go along for the ride because he’s absolutely content with the 3 of us. Infertility has changed my life more than anything else, I think.
“how do you know…” is a question that runs continually through my mind. At 35 i have 3…ages 4, 2, and almost 1. by the standards of friends and acquaintances, I should be “done”. But I don’t have that “you just know” feeling yet. A fourth child in our mix sounds great, but the pregnancy, nursing, helping to learn to sleep, etc just sounds exhausting at this point. So I don’t know. Do I quit when I’m ahead? Or would we live to regret that. I just don’t know.
I have two. But I just feel like I am supposed to have another one. Two just doesn’t feel right.
My son had a friend who spent the night and when I looked at the dinner table, I thought, this feels right. Three feels right.
Unfortunately, I have MS and I am taken lots of different medications that you can’t take when you are pregnant.
If I stop taking the medication, I will be in a lot of pain and my MS symptoms could get worse.
I also had a miscarriage a year and a half ago and in my head, I knew that a third wouldn’t be possible.
My head is having a hard time convincing my heart though…
I want more so much, have one of each 5 and 2 but my husband doesn’t want anymore. I don’t feel done at all but he is adament. How do I resolve it?
Ha, plans and reality never came close to meshing for me. I wanted at the most two, and I had no intentions on even starting a family until I was AT LEAST 30. I jus laugh looking back.
Now I have five ages 6 and under. Most days I feel like most likely we’re done, but I still have my moments. I know that I absolutely could not handle another presently as a WAHM. I hear people talking about just knowing that they’re done, and I wonder what that’s like. I haven’t experienced that since starting a family.