By Amy | Leave A Comment
Many years ago the word “cancer” was only spoken in hushed voices. People didn’t dare say it out loud for fear of being cursed with it. For a time, people referred to it as “the ‘c’ word.” Now it is so common that it comes up in conversation often. Sometimes we’re talking about something that “they” believe causes cancer or that someone we know has been diagnosed with it. It is no longer a topic that isn’t openly discussed amongst adults. But with children, we still tend to be very cautious.
This is a difficult topic and one that we all hope we will never have to have with our children. Unfortunately, it is one that many of us, if not all of us, will have to have at one time or another.
Many of us will be able to discuss it as a sickness that a friend or a relative has. Others of us will have to approach it because a parent has it. Fewer of us will have to address it because our child has it.
With each situation, the discussion is delicate and unique. And each discussion is well thought out and likely rehearsed many times, if not out loud, at least in our heads.
A friend of mine had breast cancer. She and her husband told their 2-year-old that mommy was sick, but didn’t feel like they wanted to use the word cancer. Since she has been cancer-free, she still has to go to the doctor for different follow up visits. Their sweet son has started asking each time if her cancer has come back. Apparently little ears hear much more than we expect.
Another friend’s 5-year-old daughter was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor 18 months ago. She was given 6-9 months to live. They had to be very open with her and her two older siblings. She and her sisters were able to tell you what she had and they were also able to question why. Currently she is symptom free and the tumor has not grown.
When my grandpa was diagnosed with lung cancer, all of the grandkids were old enough to understand what was happening. The great grandchildren just knew he was really sick. He went so quickly (4 weeks) that there was never much time to address it and prepare the grandchildren for what was in store.
If (or when) you have do discuss cancer with your child, will you minimize the severity of the disease or will you be open about the magnitude of it?
ABOUT Amy
Amy enjoys trying to achieve the perfect balance of family, faith and life- that for her includes a{read more}
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My 16-yr-old nephew has osteosarcoma. He had his left arm amputated last fall. His checkup this spring revealed tumors in both shoulders, his knee, and spots on his heart and lungs. The tumor in the left shoulder is now about the size of a volleyball. It’s perched so that the top of it is about eye level. It’s something you absolutely cannot ignore or pretend isn’t there. The skin is so taught across the tumor that it’s splitting.
In early June he decided that he had to come to grandpa & grandma’s house and see all of his cousins, aunts, & uncles. (My husband is from a family of 8 children – 5 of them live within an hour of grandpa & grandma’s house). The visit was priceless! Since the large tumor is so visible, it prompted lots of discussion and questions from all age groups (grandkids’ ages range from newborn – 21). Fantastic opportunity to talk about cancer.
The photos my kids had seen of their cousin showed him turkey hunting, surfing, smiling, etc (all taken before the pain got difficult). Our prayers request peace for this dear nephew on a daily basis, but the photos almost showed a boy that didn’t need those prayers. When we were all able to see how difficult every day is, it made the need for prayers more evident.
The tumor has surrounded the carotid artery and the lymph node in the left arm pit. My brother-in-law described the lymph node as a train station. I told my boys it’s sending out locomotives of rot on tracks to various unsuspecting destinations. That analogy made sense. Now we just need to figure out how to shut down the station…
Oh my goodness, LeonaBea. Thank you so much for sharing. What a wonderful opportunity to talk about cancer and to help all of the cousins understand what their cousin is going through. I will add him in our prayers and hope they can shut down that station. What a difficult road your nephew has traveled and will continue to travel- a road that needs all the prayers you can gather.