By Tina | Leave A Comment
There is a huge issue of R-E-S-P-E-C-T when it comes to step-parents and step-children.
In our household my oldest step-daughter has had the hardest time with this.
She lived the majority of her life in a household where parents and children were considered equals. No one took the position of authority and she was left to raise herself.
In hindsight she has done a good job; she just doesn’t know what it means to respect her parents. When she asked to come and live with us we tried to “warn” her that life at our house is considerably different than the home life she is used to. We weren’t trying to talk her out of moving in with us, we just wanted her to make an informed decision.
So, exactly 2 years ago, at the age of 15, she moved in and it has been a struggle ever since.
There is a completely different mindset that is ingrained in her. We’ve tried so many different things to get it buffed out but it doesn’t seem to be working.
The important thing is that we agree it’s an issue we are willing to fight for.
We’ve spoken to her, shown her the respect we would like, showed her biblical passages about honoring your father and so forth. There are good days and bad days. The best thing is that we have noticed that she tends to use her lack of respect as a weapon because she knows it hurts us; but we don’t let it get us down. We continue to tell her we love her, and show her respect which she has earned.
I know there will come a day when she looks back and understands why we were so intent on being shown respect; and I know she will thank us for all the work we put into it.
Photo by Sebastiano Pitruzzell
ABOUT Tina
Tina is the mom of 2 rambunctious kids under 5, and the wicked stepmother (not so wicked) of 2 teena{read more}
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Keep it up Tina. When I think about it, communication problems between children and parents are all about respect. A kid or a teenager would naturally want to talk to or at least communicate with someone they have high regard of, most of the time this person would be a peer. At times, parents will not listen to their children and just tell them outright what to do simply because they do not respect them because of their inexperience with life. Parents, since they know better, should be the first ones to show respect.
Yes, she’ll thank you for it in the future.
We had much the same issue with my then 12 and 16.5 year olds when they became my stepchildren. Their experience with their natural mom was one that was not based on being able to trust that they could count on her word…therefore she wasn’t held in much esteem despite their love for her. The new stepmother certainly had no points given in the respect area….not welcomed…not wanted by the older girl at all, I was simply a disruption to her world. As an adult though while I respected that she was going through many many changes and new situations, I also know that life requires you to show respect to authorities of all kinds, whether it be laws, or people who have power over you if you are to succeed. I had to remember constantly that her harsh and often ugly disrespectful words and gestures were simply weapons to redirect the attention off of her behavior, but a calm and consistent reply would eventually win the race….and seven years later, it has paid off….but I would have loved an hourly reminder of that when she was 16!