Just One is an online journal written by Kelly. You can find the Just One archives here or access all of Blissfully Domestic’s online journals here.

I desperately wanted to be spoiled when I was a kid.  Actually, I was spoiled with toys and whatnot, but that’s not what I really wanted. I wanted people to say things like, “she’s such a Daddy’s girl”, or “she has Daddy wrapped around her little finger.” I wanted a real Daddy. A besotted, devoted father who would wield a shotgun at the door when my first date arrived.  Instead, I had a step-father and a grandfather, kind and generous men who were careful NOT to take the place of my father. They always left space for my Dad, so that he could jump in when he was ready. The space stayed empty. Dad was never able to fill it.

These days Dad is full of flowery language and sentiment about how well I’ve turned out and what a great mother I am.  It’s nice, but hollow. Real love is messy. You have to be willing to get your hands dirty and your heart broken.  I was willing, but Dad couldn’t bear it.  He was afraid and I can understand that now.

My husband is that besotted father I always wanted.  His hands have been dirtied by fatherhood, literally and figuratively.  He gets his heart broken every day when he walks out the door to go to work.

The busybodies will warn you about the dangers of spoiling an only child. I keep an eye on the accumulation of stuff, but I tend to look the other way when it comes to my daughter and her Daddy. She does have him wrapped around her little finger and I am just fine with that. Aren’t we supposed to provide for our kids everything we wanted for ourselves?

I feel like the best Mommy in the world.

Photo by Kelly Beckman-Crabtree

Kelly is busy perfecting her semi-charmed life other at Heathen Family Revival.