Just One is an online journal written by Kelly. You can find the Just One archives here or access all of Blissfully Domestic’s online journals here.

When my husband and I finally decided it was time to start our family, I was sure that I would have two daughters. They would be called Picabo and Tigerlily. Picabo would have raven hair and Tigerlily would have red. I imagined them holding hands in the glittering, late afternoon sunshine.  In my dreams they were always giggling. Not a tantrum to be seen, or a dirty diaper to be smelled.

In reality, we had a tough time conceiving. A doctor boldly told my husband that he should get a paternity test for any child I might bear, because it couldn’t possibly be his. The infertility treatment process was demeaning and stressful and expensive. Midway through my fourth cycle of intrauterine insemination, I quit the treatment.  We couldn’t afford another ultrasound, so we made the decision to start again in a few months.

That’s when I got pregnant. Call Maury Povich. We’re gonna need a paternity test.

My visions of pregnancy were all about feeling lit from within, about joy shooting out of every pore. Instead, I got vomit shooting out of my mouth, for four months straight.  I was miserable and it didn’t stop there.  Violet Picabo had to be delivered via emergency c-section. My epidural failed and I had to go under general anesthesia.  My husband thought I was dead for a full 30 minutes.

So, my dreams of two angelic daughters have been mercifully set aside in favor of an only child.  I’m quite glad that things worked out this way.  When I look around the dinner table, I don’t feel like someone is missing. All are present and accounted for.  Maybe someday we’ll get another cat and name it Tigerlily.

Photo by Aaron Crabtree

Kelly is busy perfecting her semi-charmed life. You can read all about it on her blog Heathen Family Revival.