By Zoeyjane | Leave A Comment
My daughter’s time with her father, until six months ago, was always supervised by me. With a new, court-filed agreement in place at the end of last summer, he was given ten hours of unsupervised time each weekend with her.
I found myself with hours at a time to wonder what she was doing, if she was happy and safe. I could have lost my mind.
I had to let go.
It was hard, given history with her father, to not worry that she’d not be parented, given whatever she wanted, left in dangers way or would be witness to him imbibing.
But I had to let go or the stress of worrying, the ‘what ifs’ would break me.
I started tackling my work load during their visits. I’d endeavour to scrub something neglected, without a set of tiny hands around to try to help by dipping into the Mr. Clean stash. I’d grocery shop like we were preparing for a bomb to go off, since I had the free hands to carry numerous bags without worry of a toddler venturing into traffic. I started taking long, piping hot bubble baths, with the door shut. I read, in the middle of the day, in bed and if I drifted off into an unplanned nap, that was okay. I’d go out for brunch or coffee with good friends, without a child to entertain in a boring adult environment.
I kept myself busy and I treated myself to rarities like a seated aromatherapy massage or getting my hair cut and styled. It made the time pass by in a blink and before I realized that I wasn’t concerned, there she was at my door, happy to see me.
How do you use your free time while your children are with their other parent?
Photo by riot jane
ABOUT Zoeyjane
When she's not rocking a one-woman, one-toddler mosh pit in her living room, Zoeyjane lets her angst{read more}
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When I was a single mom with two children weekends the children alternated weekends at their paternal grandparents. It was a time for me to do all the things that working full time, commuting, and parenting during the week didn’t allow time for: grading papers, resting, painting my nails, taking walks with our dog in the park at non toddler speed, it was the only time down the road, when I was willing to meet for coffee, or dinner out….or go to the library (no bookstores in rural town then) and simply read uninterrupted by the joyful sounds of 2 under 8. Many single mom weekends it was simply recovery time from the life I worked to survive with very little financial help to raise them teaching at a local college on weekend mornings and in the classroom during the week. Divorce in my case, meant we divorced, he left a lot of debts that he never paid though ordered to, a home we couldn’t afford, my own bills, the children’s needs, no follow through for years on child support and I was holding the bag….often weekends without them simply meant more time to work and to try to prepare for their week at home.
My weekends are all about playing catchup. Laundry to do, a bathtub to scrub, buy some groceries without a small companion whining for juice boxes.
My son’s father has him overnight sometimes. Those are my nights out.
It sucks, but we all do what we need to do to get by.
Completely understand that. My daughter’s with her dad for 5 hours on each day of the weekend, provided he’s met certain conditions. This is my free-time, even just to refill a bit, the tank that’s been runny more and more on fumes during the week.
I still struggle with this. I find it hard to stay home when my son is gone. Needless to say he returns and I have all of the things I didn’t do while he was gone and all the stuff I need to do that day. He is gone longer than ten hours a week. It is very hard.