When my husband and I began dating eleven years (and some change) ago, his son was not quite two years old. My stepson will probably never remember his life without me in it. He most likely won’t recall some of those crazy moments in the early days. And there were some CRAZY moments in the earlier years!

Always one to subscribe to the “knowledge is power” school of belief, I loaded myself up with books on stepparenting, stepmothers and blended families. Inevitably, I chucked aside these books. Nonsense, I thought. These people have no idea what my situation is like. The advice and recommendations in those books seemed hilarious to me and in no way fitting to apply these rules to our situation.

The kinds of chaos we had in the beginning were so off the charts – the kinds of things those books didn’t seem to address. I was frustrated at the Pollyanna approach taken by these books about how if I only did x, y or z everything would be fine. Really?

In reality, there have been several tools I have used to get a grip of my step-situation, the biggest one being time. It takes time to adjust, time to grow, and time to acclimate. I have learned to embrace the art of walking away when frustrated, and I adore my family of been-there, done-that stepmother friends who offer an ear when I need to vent, and who won’t hesitate to tell me if I’ve screwed something up or steer me in the right direction. I’ve found that time outs aren’t just for kids and that no, life isn’t fair (the fair only comes to town once a year anyway, right?).

There is no one-size-fits all advice, like there is no cookie cutter family. I have to believe that everyone is just doing the best that they can all the time. I’m a control freak sometimes – and not being the one to hold the cards is a hard thing for us control freaks to deal with. But I do the best I can.

Photo credit: Woodleywonderworks

Sarah drinks too much coffee (or not enough, depending on the day) and writes about life on the homefront on The Mom Chronicles.