June is Potty Training Awareness Month. Many parents automatically associate potty training with the use of rewards such as candy, stickers or stars.

But it’s possible to teach kids to use the potty without any tangible rewards at all. In fact, some professionals consider it best not to use rewards to encourage children to give up diapers for underwear.

Reasons to Avoid Using Rewards for Potty Training

Rewards Can Undermine Autonomy: During the ages of 18 months to three years, children are in the emotional stage of developing autonomy, a term which literally means “self regulation”. During the stage of autonomy, children recognize themselves as separate from their parents. They realize that they can have their own opinions and can do things all by themselves. Giving a child a reward can take away their decision to control their own bodies if they feel bribed by the reward.

Rewards Rob Children of Natural, Healthy Pride: Deciding to use the toilet of one’s own accord is a huge accomplishment towards autonomy. The Adlerian philosophy view is that giving rewards robs children of the natural pride children will feel from accomplishing a new life task. It’s tough for children to think of an accomplishment as their own when the focus is on receiving a treat or pleasing a parent.

Rewards Can Create Power Struggles: In Positive Discipline for Preschoolers (Prima Publishing, 1998) authors Nelsen, Erwin and Duffy write “When parents try taking control of a child’s bodily functions, they often meet with resistance. It could be that the child is deciding (at a subconscious level), ‘It is more important to walk around in urine-soaked pants, than to give up my sense of power.’”

Rewards Are Not Healthy Long Term: In his article, “The Risks of Rewards”, author Alfie Kohn quotes a variety of research that rewards do not work well in the long run. The short video clip below is an excerpt from an Alfie Kohn lecture about the negative aspects of using rewards.

What Parents Can Do Instead of Offering Rewards for Potting Training

The authors of  Positive Discipline for Preschoolers devote an entire chapter to potty training called “Preschoolers and Potties: An Ongoing Battle? Three ideas gathered from the chapter are

• Have regular toilet times

• Creating a “toilet-friendly” environment with easy-off clothing and kind training is a parent’s job; deciding when (and where) to “go” is a child’s

• Be patient and express faith that your child will eventually learn to use the toilet

In Positive Discipline A-Z (Three Rivers Press, 1999) Nelsen, Lott and Glenn include a section under “T” for  “Toilet Training” with ideas on Positive Discipline tools for potty training. Suggestions in the book include

• Do not humiliate or shame your child when he has an accident. Simply help him clean up. Say, “It’s okay. You can keep trying. You will soon learn to use the potty chair.”

• Use encouraging statements, such as the ones above.

• Teach your child to change his own clothes during a calm time

Parents can treat potty training like they would any other life task that takes time to learn such as learning colors or writing one’s name. More ideas are listed in the “Toilet Training” section of Positive Discipline A – Z and in the Chapter 18 of Positive Discipline for Preschoolers.

photo credits: Rebecca on Picasa Web Albums and Mario Alberto Magallanes Trejo