Adjusting to the New Baby
The excitement and adjustment of a new baby in the house may naturally cause an older sibling to feel left out, abandoned, and less special—even as you reassure him or her that that isn’t the case. Many children may be jealous or tired of all the commotion and demands to “be quiet” when the baby is asleep. After a few weeks of having her new baby home, one mother was enjoying rocking the infant when her preschooler asked matter-of-factly, “When is that baby going back to the hospital?”

Sibling Rivalry
What is sibling rivalry? All children want the love and attention of their parents, and when a new child arrives, parents must divide their attention out of necessity. It’s important to remember that a child’s feelings of jealousy and fears of abandonment can exist simultaneously with feelings of love and pleasure about the new baby. They don’t know that the new baby isn’t a replacement.

Much to our dismay, this sibling love/hate often continues throughout their adult lives. Many siblings will adamantly protect each other from the real world, but all’s fair at home, including name-calling, unauthorized “borrowing,” and pulling hair. So how do you minimize these feelings of conflict?

• Remember your own experiences and feelings as a sibling. If you were an only child, talk to friends about their sibling relationships and remember that sibling differences are natural.
• Show your child pictures from her “babyhood” to illustrate the love and attention you gave her when she was an infant. Tell her stories about all the baby things she did.
• Every child is different. It’s actually amazing that two children born of the same parents could be so different without having been switched at birth. Try to understand rather than compare and judge.
• Make special dates with your child and try to keep his or her schedule as much as possible.
• Integrate your child in the care routine of the infant. Make one of the baby’s daytime naps a special time to spend with your older child. During at least two feedings a day, have your child join you to read a book or go over homework.
• Ask family and close friends to bring a small gift for the older sibling or to take her out for a special treat.

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