By Kathy Friend | Leave A Comment
Even USA Today touts, “It’s rude not to RSVP; Casual attitude is driving hosts crazy” (June 17, 2002).
I recently attended a party hosted by an old friend. She sent out over 60 invitations, and had about 20 people say they were going to attend (typical – count on 1/3 of your invitation list to show up). But what about the other 40+ people? Why didn’t she hear from them? The RSVP was clearly stated on the invitation.
People just don’t RSVP anymore! This has become my latest rant, and as Maria Puente from USA Today points out, it is driving hosts crazy. Why is this? What has changed?
Is it the overabundance of the RSVP? It seems everything asks for a reply…everything from a casual weekend get-together with friends, home parties where people are trying to sell you something, kids birthday parties, to weddings and black tie fund raisers.
Is it that we simply forget? We get so much mail, and so much on our calendars, we simply don’t make it a priority? Or are we waiting to decide if we are going to attend, to wait and see if something else better comes up?
Guests seem annoyed when they are invited to an event, rather than to feel special that they were considered. Some I talked to even said, “what is acceptable has changed, you don’t have to RSVP anymore, it’s acceptable not to, and just show up if you don’t have anything else going on”. Really? I beg to differ! Are basic social graces extinct?
The term RSVP is French, and it means répondez s’il vous plait, translated, that means “Please reply.” I don’t speak French, but it seems this is a polite way of saying “Pick up the phone or drop me an email and let me know if you are coming.”
Which makes me wonder about hosts. Some guests shared with me that when they were not able to attend a party, and called to host to send regrets, the call was met with attitude. Just a little reminder to the hosts – if you are going to ask for an RSVP, then please be gracious to those who are not able to make it. At least your guest had the decency to take the time to pick up the phone and let you know they are not going to be able to attend. Don’t make them feel bad for doing so.
If you don’t believe me, ask Miss Manners:
Miss Manners would never defend the rudeness of ignoring invitations, she does believe that the terms of your invitation indicate that it confers minimal social obligations on those who receive it. Basic Etiquette says that the simple courtesy of responding to someone who was nice enough to invite you, even if it is to say that you regret that you will not be able to attend.
What are your feelings on the good old RSVP? Be sure to join us on our forum to discuss it!
Kathy Friend is a wardrobe coach who is the host to many gatherings. If you ever get an invitation from Kathy, PLEASE RSVP…until then, you can visit her blog at www.fashionanswers.blogspot.com, or her website at www.kathyfriend.com
ABOUT Kathy Friend
Kathy Friend, wardrobe coach and personal shopper, is Fashion and Style Expert on the WSBT TV Mornin{read more}
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I also love to host gatherings, and I think this trend has gotten worse in the last five years. Occasionally a particularly thoughtful guest who has previously RSVPed yes will call the day of a party to let you know of a last-minute reason they cannot attend, but the no-show is the norm, and probably 30-40% of people don’t RSVP at all, in my experience.
It’s gotten to the point where I am delighted by the guests who do take the time to RSVP (regardless of their answer).
Lisa – I SO feel your pain! The thing I MOST don’t get is people that RSVP, and then don’t show up, and then avoid me for the next month. Common people! RUDE! Maybe if we pass this article around enough, the ‘word’ will get to the right people, and this will serve as a gentle nudge to say ‘you are being rude!’!
I think the problem is we are all so over scheduled that we no longer appreciate, as you said, being considered! We resent having one more thing to “do”.
I’ve noticed more hosts putting “Regrets” and then their phone number on invitations instead of “RSVP.” In other words, “I’m going to assume you’re coming unless you specifically call and tell me otherwise.” I like this solution, since it makes a little less work for both hosts and guests. Though, it is tougher to estimate the number of people attending, since there will always be those people who don’t plan on coming and still don’t call.
People that don’t RSVP drive me nuts. It’s just rude to me. I think if you are invited to something and it says RSVP you should let the host know if you are attending or not. There are preparations to make and the host needs a head count.
What I find even worse is people who don’t RSVP, and then show up unexpectedly.