My son is four and a half, and I’m doing something my parents certainly never did as it was not the fashion (a million years or so ago)…I’m taking a parenting class.

I’m finding it to be both an educational and validating experience. I’m learning that I’m doing more right than I would have ever thought to give myself credit for. Most of the parenting skills I’m learning are simply a matter of incorporating a bit of planning into my already over loaded parental brain. But, hey I’m a mommy….I can do anything.

The idea is to plan to avoid problems in the future. Here are the seven skills:

1. RESTRUCTURE TIME

Say your child hates brushing his teeth after eating, but he’ll happily do it right before a meal. Is it optimal? No. But it does get his teeth brushed. Have him do a rigorous ‘swish and swallow” after the meal to remove remaining food particles.

2. PLAN TRANSISTIONS

Some kids hate change in a big way, so learn to help your child thorough the rough bits. I call it giving kids “fair warning.” My son hates doing anything that’s not his idea, so if I want him to change his clothes, instead of just saying, “We’re changing your clothes now,” I say, “In five minutes, we’re going to change your shirt.” Works like a champ and avoids the big confrontation entirely.

3. FORESHADOW

Prepare your child for upcoming events. Driving home from school I’ll often review the plan for the afternoon, “First we’re going to have a snack. Second, we’re going to clean up your room. And then third, we’ll play games with the Wii.”

4. GIVE STATEMENTS

This is really simple, but you’ve got to remember to do it. That’s the challenge. Don’t say, “Would you like to clean your room?” Instead say, “It’s time to clean your room.”

5. GIVE LIMITED CHOICES

Give your choice at most two or three choices of something you can live with. Such as, “You can wear either the brown or red shirt. Which sounds best?” (Don’t give them the option to wear the loud orange slimed shirt you hate…especially if you’re visiting your mother in law.)

6. GRANDMA’S RULE

Use Grandma’s Rule of “when you do this, then you can do that.” Such as, When you eat your broccoli, then you can have icecream.

7. SPEAK/STAND AT CHILD’S VERBAL/EYE LEVEL

Try this simple experiment we did in class. Have one adult sit in a chair. Have the other adult stand directly in front of the seated adult and begin telling that person about his/her morning. After a few minutes, each person should check in and report how it felt being talked down to and talking physically down to another human being.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2 -12 by Thomas W. Phelan

Without Spanking or Spoiling by Elizabeth Crary

The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them by Elaine Aron

Photo by Luciano Joaquim