Eating often turns into warfare between coaxing parents and toddlers with good throwing arms. Parents hover around the child, spoon poised to swoop in at the slightest un-pursing of the lips, or nag and nag that they must eat this or that before they leave the table. Nourishing your children does not have to be a battleground. Here are some steps to ending the eating battles:

Act Like You Don’t Care

That’s right, give up the power here. The more you act like you care, the more you push and cajole and bribe, the more your child will see it as a great place to assert their budding independence, and the more likely you are to lead your child to have eating issues, now and in the future. Feeding our children is a basic maternal instinct, and it is important to us moms that our children get their fruit color rainbows and brain-food every day. I know this. The thing to remember is that no young child has ever consciously starved themselves. They will eat, and they will eat enough, if you don’t make it a battle. If it becomes a battle of the wills, they will win, since you cannot (or at least, SHOULD NOT) force food down your children.

Teach Them To Listen To Their Body

What are you teaching a child who doesn’t want to eat, but you insist that they sit and eat so many more bites? You are teaching them not to listen to their own bodies, but to eat when you say. I don’t know about you, but I want to raise children into adults that can pay attention to their own body cues and not rely on outward motivation to eat. Stop and think about that.

Keep Control Of The Options

When all the choices at a meal are healthy, it isn’t a problem to have them choose what they eat. I set food in front of my children and they can eat it or not, it’s up to them. But they aren’t eating anything else instead, that’s for sure. If they get hungry later their healthy meal is still there for them, and they can eat it whenever they are ready. Don’t fall into the trap of letting them slide past dinner, only to forget and doll out ice cream when everyone is begging for it later. There you have taught that they can hold out for the “good stuff” and not have to eat healthily.

Give Them The Right Not To Like Something

There are things that I don’t like to eat, and no one makes me eat them, so I allow my children the same kindness. They can each choose one food that they don’t like: One food that I will never ask them to eat or put on their plate. Everything else they are expected to eat (if they want snack later). It has worked really well for us, because it gives each child a sense of control but still invites cooperation. For a long time my son’s food was lettuce. I never served it to him at all, but he was expected to eat all the other vegetables. Recently he switched to tomatoes, so now he is served lettuce.

Have Regular Mealtimes

I believe in mealtime, sitting down at the table distraction-free, to focus on the eating so we can listen to our own hunger signals and not cartoons. Make it fun to eat together. I’ve heard of families going around the table and telling the best and worst thing that happened that day. Have rituals that make kids want to come to the table.

Be Prepared For Change

Children’s hunger will wax and wane as they have a growth spurt or learn a new skill. A month ago my toddler was eating her breakfast, then mine, then one with daddy, then still hungry five minutes later. Today her dinner consisted of a tablespoon of mayonnaise sucked off an uneaten baby carrot. But you know what, she’ll survive this and so will I, and I am sure that soon she will be asking for third breakfast again.

My Best Advice On Eating Battles Is Don’t Make It A Battle!

Set up a situation that invites cooperation, and then stop the nagging and the counting individual green peas that must be eaten. Example: “You don’t have to eat all your dinner if you are not hungry, but if you want to have ice cream later, you need to finish it. It’s your choice.” This sets up the situation in favor of eating, without it being your choice what they eat. Teach children that they do not have to eat when they are not hungry, but that when they are hungry, their healthy food will be waiting for them. Then sit back and talk about something else at dinner. Happy eating!

Laura
Laura blogs at Mommy Menagerie!

Image by Marco Braun