Despite frustrating moments along the way and moments where expletives were the most likely to fly out of our mouths rather than kindness, my husband and I from the beginning have been careful what we say about his son’s mother in his presence. This means that sometimes we don’t respond to even the simplest of statements – especially if there’s a chance of it being interpreted negatively.

Children have a right to the equal love and affection of both parents – and that includes the right to think that their parents hung the moon, if that’s what they want to believe. They deserve to think their mom is the prettiest lady who makes the best cookies and gives the best hugs and is the best at helping with math homework. They deserve to think that dad is the one who reads the best bedtime stories and squashes the spiders and does cool tricks with cards. They have a right to believe that both parents would lay down in traffic for them, and move heaven and earth for them.

Sometimes… well… sometimes that may not be true.

But kids are so smart. We don’t need to tell them negative things. We don’t need to talk the other parent down – because ultimately, they’ll be able to make determinations on their own. And perhaps, if we’re lucky, our negative perceptions and experiences may not match our child’s. That maybe the way they parent is different than the way that person relates with adults.

But a child should never feel he has to defend his daddy to his mom who said that dad doesn’t want to see him because he rescheduled visitation. A daughter should never have to tell her dad that no, mom doesn’t just spend the child support on getting her nails done. Though it may take a colossal act of strength to bite one’s tongue, it’s so worth it for the peace of mind of the kiddos.

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