I had a conversation with my daughter the other day that caused me to reflect a little deeper on what I’m doing to teach her honesty. She’s 3-1/2. It went like this:

Me: Chloe, go to the bathroom and go pee please.

Chloe: Mom, I just need some privacy.

Me: (giving her the look) Chloe, did you have an accident?

If guilty, she usually lies at this point, but instead she answered …

Chloe: Yes, I just had a little one but I told the truth.

Lately, she’s been trying her hand at lying and I’ve been saying the age-old parent response, “I’m more upset that you lied about it,” and it’s true. I am! I don’t think she’s getting it though. She thinks telling the truth is a means of getting her out of the original trouble – which isn’t what I want her to believe. I want her to be honest because it’s good and right and shows strong character.

With that in mind, here’s what I’m going to do:

1. I’ll be honest. If I am honest with her and model that behavior, I know that’s the first good step.
2. Reward honesty. If she’s honest when it would be easier to lie, then I’ll show her I noticed and be sure to praise her.
3. Discuss dishonesty. When I catch her in a lie I’ll emphasize that she’s trying to mislead me and that’s hurtful to our relationship.
4. Give trust. As she continues to be truthful with me, I’ll increase my trust in believing her (I won’t drill her with 20 questions unnecessarily).

My hope is that in showing her the importance of honesty in our relationship she’ll learn that honesty isn’t a “Get out of trouble free” card or a means of bribery but rather an important trait of a genuine person.

What about you? How do you teach your children honesty?

Photo by calloutLOUD