Dealing with stubborn, strong-willed children is completely exhausting. These children can wear down even the most seasoned and otherwise patient parents. So how do we deal with them without losing our sanity?

Recognize the Positives

As tough as these character traits are now, strength of will and determination will serve her well as an adult. She’ll likely be a unstoppable learner with a boldness in her focus on objectives. Those are good things. But the parent’s challenge is to raise children who understand they aren’t solely in charge of the family without teaching them to be too submissive in the long-run. As with most every parenting task, balance is key.

Avoid Arguing with a Stubborn Child

Getting into a back-and-forth argument (especially if it includes yelling) with a stubborn child is a huge mistake. The challenge only serves to strengthen his will. Chances are you’ll get frustrated and give in long before he surrenders. The outcome will probably NOT be what you desire.

Be Creative in Your Approach

Use the stubbornness to your advantage. Here’s an example. If your stubborn child is refusing to clean her room after spending the morning pulling out nearly every toy she owns, set a timer so she can race against the clock to clean up. Consider making a chart so you can track her time…rewarding her for faster cleanup (only if it’s also a thorough cleanup, though). This competitive approach taps into her natural sense of determination without creating a power struggle for the two of you.

Stay Connected

A child who feels a genuine connection with his parents is more likely to want to please them. Spend time (real, uninterrupted time) with your child. Show interest in a game he’s playing, a book he’s reading, a movie he’s watching. Sit with him and listen. If he feels his ideas matter, he may be more open to yours. If you don’t already have them, consider instituting a tradition of holding family meetings. When children feel their input is valued, they often feel less inclined to force their control.

Be Consistent

When children grow up knowing that their parents say what they mean and mean what they say, they have clear parameters. On the flipside of that, though, is that wishy-washy parenting leaves a great deal of wiggle room for a stubborn child to assert his strong will. Be sure your children know what your expectations are. Then be consistent with holding them accountable. With these clear boundaries in place, they’ll know how far they can go without constantly trying to test the limits.

Lead by Example

If your child is stubborn by nature, there’s a really good chance the man or woman in the mirror also has a stubborn streak. Yes, they likely got that from us. So if we show by example the acceptable way to live with strong-willed determination that appropriately submits to authority, the chances are greater that our kids will get that message. If, on the other hand, we’re constantly flying off-the-handle when we don’t get our way our kids will follow in our faulty footsteps.

So it is possible (though challenging indeed) to raise stubborn children in such a way as to encourage their cooperation without breaking their will. We want to teach them to be team players without compromising the very essence of who they are and will grow up to be.

The challenge is great, but the rewards will probably make us prouder than we can imagine!

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