By kllepc | Leave A Comment
Yes, I admit it! After 12 years of infertility, countless miscarriages and even after adopting 4 beautiful kids. My heart still longs for God to open my womb. Yes, I know I’m blessed beyond measure. Yes, I know my van is full and couldn’t hold another car seat. Yes, I know money is tight and times are hard. I know all of this yet my heart still yearns for another child.
I’ve been called “Crazy! Insane! Mental!” and many other not so nice words all because they find out that I’m the mother to four and still want more. How do I explain my life story to a puzzled stranger, to a bewildered family member or to a stumped friend? How do I explain the ache in my heart because I just turned 34 years old and celebrated my oldest daughter’s 13th birthday. I see time passing at an alarming rate yet I’ve not seen the answer to a prayer that is almost 13 years old.
Am I angry with God? No! Am I confused? Slightly! Do I trust His infinite wisdom? Yes! Does my heart still hurt every month that goes by and my womb remains empty? You got it! I have tried since my last adoption to convince myself that I’m content. I was blessed to not raise one baby but three. My days are slam packed full of activities with homeschooling, potty training and just daily maintenance. Yet, I lay in bed wondering why me?
My mind and heart are not in agreement. I still feel a hole, a void and I still feel like a member of this family is missing. It’s the same way I felt right before God blessed us with our oldest child. It’s the same way I felt right before the adoption of our triplets. Could it be that God is just preparing me for the next arrival? My heart hopes so!
The one thing I know for sure, no matter what happens. I’m blessed beyond measure. My life is far better than I ever could of dreamed. My children are amazing, beautiful and wonderful. I will continue on whether our family grows or not but for now I’m still praying that God opens my womb at least once in my lifetime. That’s all I ask, to experience what He designed this body to do at least once.
“Nevertheless, not my will but thine, Oh Lord!”
Karen Chamblee is a stay at home Wife & Mother who is kept busy raising a 13yo daughter & 3yo BBG triplets. She shares about her life & interests at Lil Momma’s Haven You can also find her most days on Twitter @lilmommax4
ABOUT kllepc
Karen Chamblee is a stay at home Wife & Mother who is kept busy raising a 13yo daughter & 3y{read more}
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its funny karen even as I feed my 8 week old son right now, I can relate. He is adopted , he is my son but I know this feeling you speak of.
You are definitely NOT crazy/insane/mental. I have 3 girls (one is 4 mo) and I long for more. I have been called every name you have.
I will be praying that God’s Will for you will be a baby… one from your body.
Thank you for putting a voice to what I feel too. I don’t even tell people (except my hubby) that I want MORE children – even though the 2 we have are practically MIRACLES! I had a m/c in 2002 – and have longed for ONE MORE BABY even more so since. I have tried “to accept”, “to be thankful”, “to be content” – and I think for the most part I AM – but like you said: heart & head don’t always see it the same way! I am now 38 year olds but am not quite giving up hope: God can do the impossible!
God bless & thanks for sharing! Conny
Keep the faith!! I’m praying for you!!
Thank you so much ladies for leaving such sweet and supportive comments. It feels so good to have a safe place and friends to open my heart too. I will be praying for you ladies as well. Please come by my blog and see more pics of my 4 beautiful miracles and to read my testimony. “My Journey to Motherhood”
God Bless,
KC <
Honey all I can say is you have to give it to God. You can’t think about it but give it completely to Him. It is easier to say it than do it but that what we’ve been told to do. Let go and let God. I’m gonna pray for you and put you on my list at church.
I’m praying with you, Karen!!!
I don’t think you are crazy for wanting more. This world needs more family’s like yours with LOTS of Faith-filled children!!!
Wow….this article truly hit home. I feel EXACTLY the same way and have felt alot of guilt about it lately. After two beautiful adoption miracles I find myself longing for more children. While we are open to adoption, we are praying to be open to God’s will. Lately, I have felt such a strong desire to become pregnant. It is so overwhelming sometimes! Like you, most of the time I feel grateful and incredibly happy with our “complete” family but it feels like someone is missing. This nagging feeling consumed me right before we adopted our last child. While I hope this could be a sign, I am praying to accept God’s will and completely enjoy the two beautiful children I have. May God Bess you and give you comfort and peace! Thank you for sharing your story.