By Tina | Leave A Comment
Whenever I tell people that I have 2 teenage girls at home I usually hear, “Oh my goodness, you have your hands full.”
But most often these people don’t even know the half of it.
When the girls moved in with us, (at different times,) each brought their own baggage. They had had similar but different life experiences that led them to leave the situation they were living in with their mom and move to our home.
The main similarity they had is they were both broken hearted.
Here were two girls that had put so much love and trust into their mom; the one person that they are supposed to be able to count on in all circumstances and she let them down one time after another.
The youngest of the girls, “B”, was hit the hardest. When she decided to move out and in with us her mom decided to punish her by not having any contact with her for 9 months. We live in the same town and she didn’t call to speak or even arrange for “B” to come visit. I watched as each passing month shattered her more and more.
Nothing quite prepares you for seeing your children in such pain. Even though I had been a mom for a very short time that maternal instinct kicked in and all I wanted to do was make things right.
But I couldn’t.
• I couldn’t take all those memories of broken promises away.
• I couldn’t give her mom back to her.
• And I couldn’t replace her mom, even though I wanted to.
The one thing I could do was provide her with a home that she deserved. A home that was “freakishly normal” as we like to call it. A house where she knew she was safe, secure, and above all else, a house that would be here for her no matter what obstacles came her way.
Photo by:Tim Ove
ABOUT Tina
Tina is the mom of 2 rambunctious kids under 5, and the wicked stepmother (not so wicked) of 2 teena{read more}
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I too, was unprepared that for the reality that loving my stepchild consistently might be painful for him. He had resolved that the mothers in children’s stories were indeed fairy tale characters…for his had not been able to mother him in a healthy way. When he came into my life through remarriage, after about three weeks he broke down….when asked why he was crying…his reply broke my heart….”if you, the stepmother are willing to love me this way….why won’t my mom?” It was that moment in time that I learned that there are some pains I’ll never be able to take away from my children…because he had hit the nail on the head….in our family, there has come a new affirmation “Truly loving someone means loving them as they are, not as we’d like them to be” We believe God calls us to love everyone….not just the ones on our paths that are easy to love.
“Loving wholeheartedly” as Brene Brown would say is not for the faint of heart.
Great post! Thank you Tina for sharing it!