As the stay-at-home wife and mother of three boys, I have several identities depending on what day it is: housekeeper, school volunteer, chef, nurse, etc. We all know this. Every mother knows and experiences this. But as the mother of two special needs children, the personas become even more convoluted. And just how comfortable am I with so many different “me’s” to contend with?

Some days I am the special needs mom who can rock the world. I handle it all with poise and energy. I have solutions. I brush off frustration. I can leap tall neurological issues in a single bound. Talking with therapists and school officials? No problem!

Then there are most days: frustration gets the best of me, what to do now about this issue or that issue befuddles me, I’m on my knees in prayer asking for a break – begging for respite. Is this med working? Is this supplement worth the money I’m shelling out for it? Is this therapist getting through to my son?

Identity crisis, anyone?

Being the I-can-handle-it-all-with-total-grace woman is an amazing person to be, but it can fool those around you into believing that you need no support or help, which we all know will never be true. However, being a continuous drain on those around you and forever being “in need” is also not a position I believe any of us wants to be in. How to find the balance? And is it something we should even consciously think of?

Trying to figure out who I am on a day-to-day basis is not actually something I put much emotional effort into most of the time. I wake up, mentally take stock of how I’m feeling, and tackle my day accordingly. Sometimes I get a lot done and feel great about the life I’ve been handed to live out; other days I’m struggling to handle it.

And I’m learning to trust that those I’ve surrounded myself with can figure out the difference, and will support me. When I need help and they offer, I should accept; when they offer praise, I should also accept. Being a special needs mom means having to be adaptable and versatile, which includes my own state of mind about who I am.

Even if that seems to be a different person every day.

photo by svilen mushkatov