By Heather Thomas | Leave A Comment
What Would I Do Differently? That is, if (when) my husband deployed again, what would I do differently this time?
When my husband deployed last year, it was decidedly the most difficult time of our married life. Of course, the time away from the man you love and your parenting partner is never easy but I made it more difficult for myself than it should have been.
I have a great group of girlfriends here and amazing neighbors. Yet, when I needed something, I refused to ask them for help. If I needed to go to an appointment and my normal babysitter wasn’t available, I’d cancel the appointment rather than asking a friend. Rather than call my girlfriends when I was having a rough day, I’d cry all alone after the kids went to bed. When my neighbors repeatedly offered to watch the kids so I could have a night out, I shrugged them off and told them I was doing just fine.
I was under the mistaken impression that I had something to prove. I thought I needed to prove that I could do this all alone. My husband didn’t expect that of me and neither did my friends and family. It was the unnecessary pressure that I put on myself that caused me to be miserable while he was away.
If you are facing a deployment, learn from my mistakes. You have nothing to prove. Asking people to help you when you need it shows strength and self-awareness rather than weakness.
Friends and family are the most amazing resources that we have and when you are facing something as difficult as a deployment, they want to help but often don’t know what you need unless you tell them.
What would you do differently next time your spouse deploys?
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Heather can be found Running From the Little People and trying to go From Grey to Green.
Photo Credit: Spectral-Design – Fotolia.com
ABOUT Heather Thomas
You can usually find me laughing. You can often find me with coffee or chocolate in hand. You can{read more}
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I would have also asked for more help. and taken a little more time for myself. And when I did I wouldn’t let myself feel guilty. (I know easier said then done.)
I also wish I would have found your blog sooner. LOL
That is so hard sometimes to ask for help. I know I was guilty of doing the same thing. Also, I try to make sure that people know that they can call on me for anything when their husband is deployed. A lot of times people will just say that in passing but don’t really mean it.
I would A. ask for help when I needed it B. FIND a babysitter that wasn’t family b/c they stopped helping after a year C. Establish a routine with my baby and myself.
I wouldn’t have tried to work a full-time job. Yeah it was great to have the extra income and be busy, but I learned quickly I didn’t have the stamina. It chopped a week of our our RnR because I couldn’t get time off, and that’s just one of many ways that it strapped me. I would have gone back and never taken the job and gotten something part-time that allowed me to participate in more Army-wife related activities (like our church group and our FRG).
Heather that really was a wonderful little article and great advice!
Great post; my husband is due home in a week, and I feel that all I can think about are those “shoulda-coulda-wouldas.” Next time around, I’m not going to get lost in the deployment as I did; I will not sit around the computer/phone as much as I did; I will set better goals for myself so that he can have an improved home to come home to!
This deployment was my first one, and like so many others, I too, did it alone; I should have made more friends; I should have asked for help more; I shouldn’t have guilted myself about my activities– I did deserve to have a life and happiness while he was in a war zone. The list could go on…
Not to volunteer for anything new. I am very involved with our church and oour children’s activities. I am the mom they can always count on to help out. I have to remember that during a deployment I won’t have the time and I will just be stressed out. Like I am now.