Alright American Idol fans, it is Hollywood week time and I would like to introduce myself. I am the female Simon Cowell. Well I am slightly more polite and hopefully have a better fashion sense, but I call it like I see it and I am ready to critique some singing. Maybe I will throw in a little Paula here and there and comment on some stand out fashion choices. Cause that is almost as important as the singing.

After a full four minutes of Ryan blathering on about what we are about to watch, we get down to business. Lil Rounds starts it out with some Whitney. Can I just say politely that that takes some cajones? Whitney, right off the bat and she knocks it out of the park. Dennis from Kansas City gives a lackluster performance and then decides to persuade the judges by telling them off after he gets let go. Then he goes after Simon’s fashion choices, which is warranted, but probably not a wise move just the same.

Nathaniel chooses an obscure Ray Boltz song (shout out for 80s Christian soft rock) and then seems to melt Simon’s heart a bit when he gets weepy talking about how music is an anchor in his life. He’s got good pipes, but he needs to pull it together a tiny bit. Then Anoop Desai. I love this guy’s voice and I love even more that he looks like a major geek who can’t sing. Everyone loves a surprise. Jasmine Murray nails her song and sounds way more mature than her 16 years. She is effortless and so freakin’ adorable.

Rose, I am pulling for you!! But apparently rehearsals did not go well. I am hoping that she pulls it together for her audition. I thought her audition was a bit weak, but I think the judges let her through anyway cause she is very unique. And I just don’t think you can help but root for that girl. Get your nerves under control and come back strong girl.

Stephen Fowler who I don’t remember from the auditions has a voice like butter and takes on Stevie Wonder. And I am lovin’ the fro. Randy even called him dawg, which makes him a shoe in. Jorge has an awesome audition also, but the judges (well Simon) rip apart Von. I sadly have to agree that he over sang the song and his facial expressions are a bit much. The guy can sing though and I am glad the judges gave him another chance.

Oh, Nick Mitchell aka Norman. He apparently ignored all of Simon’s advice (when will these people learn?) and performed again as Norman. And he does an awful Jennifer Hudson Dreamgirl impression. Actually there were a few seconds of good and a whole lot of mess. It was half singing and half comedy act. For some insane reason (ratings?) he makes it through to the next round. I am assuming that is less than wonderful news to all the serious contestants who got sent home.

On to day two. Jackie, I must say, you need a stylist badly. I am not diggin the hot pants, tiger shirt combination. And a gold sequined fannypack? You must be kidding me. But she is totally unique and sent through without a problem. Best friends Danny and Jamar sing one after another and both are amazing. I must say Danny’s story about losing his wife makes him one of my early faves. So touching.

Oh bikini girl. Unless you come out naked, I don’t think you stand a chance cause you really can’t sing. Of course she begins to talk trash right off the bat about how girls are jealous of her. Then she proceeds to manhandle Ryan Seacrest. She has been listening to way too much Britney Spears cause she is trying to imitate her. Simon of course sings her praises cause he is clearly thinking with the wrong brain. And they send her through. They might lose credibility if they keep this up.

Jeremy the “oil rig roughneck” as they bill him does a great job and he may be one of my favorites also. Jesus, whose adorable boys held up signs in his audition, does well in my opinion, but doesn’t make it through. David Osmond does a great job, but I am left wondering again if he doesn’t have enough connections on his own without going on American Idol. He is an Osmond for goodness sakes. Can’t Donnie and Marie pull some strings for ya?

Emily, Emily, Emily. I love your whole hot pink hair, tattoo vibe. Apparently she rehearsed one song with the vocal coaches that went really well and then pulled out a No Doubt song when she went in front of the judges. Really bad move. But the judges know a good thing when they see it and put her through. Hopefully she learned her lesson.

Tomorrow night, group round. Let the cat fighting begin!!