Not my actual class. I am not THAT old.

For some reason, the onset of fall always sends me back into my school year memory archive. And today I was recalling my 7^th grade elective; Home Economics. It wasn’t much of an ‘elective’ given that the option was taking shop with Mr. creepy-smelly shop teacher who called every girl on campus “lil’darlin”. So Home Ec it was. With Mrs. Lewis. Mrs Lewis was from a by-gone era and would frequently say things like ‘this is a skill that will help you be the homemaker you always dreamed you could become’. I didn’t want to be the one to break it to her…but I don’t think any of us in that class ever dreamed to be a homemaker. We may have dreamed of being Madonna. We dreamed of being the first woman president. But we never pined to be June Cleaver.

The first semester I learned how to darn socks, hem a dress and worked on an embroidery sampler. All skills I have never used since.

The second semester we cooked. And I started a kitchen fire. Fire department was called. It was oh-quite a beginning to my homemaking talents. But somehow I still learned how to make a mean batch of cookies, boil water and something about making a rue. But there was plenty Mrs. Lewis left out. Here are a list of things I should have learned in Home Ec 101, but I didn’t:

1. How to slam a new pickle jar just right on the counter to get the top off. And in lieu of that- how to ask your husband to open even when you know you can do it because it makes him feel manly and you know it.

2. How to load a dishwasher- where the dishes actually get clean and not just more baked on.

3. How to reset a temperamental garbage disposal using an Allen wrench.

4. How to hide puree vegetables in food undetected by my children.

5. How to ‘sew’ on boy scout/ karate patches using fabric glue.

6. How to wash a boys red and white striped rugby shirt (Lights? Darks?) And how to get the ‘pink’ out when you mess this up.

7. How to hook up the new computer router without going insane.

8. How to get a Lego out of the toaster. (And how to deal with the little boy who put it in there)

9. How to pull off the June Cleaver AND Madonna sides of your personality all at the same time.

The Things School Didn’t Teach

So today I wonder what else you think we should have learned in Home Ec class? Perhaps there should have been at least ONE chapter dedicated to selecting your husband? Yes, I think that could have helped us all tremendously. Just think of all the time we wasted on the guy with the cool car but spent more time in a bar than anywhere else? Or that one who wanted you to join a cult. Not saying it happened to ME (but it did might have). But I am saying…I could have used a little help in this area. Are you listening Mrs. Lewis? Time to revise the curriculum.

Marcy writes her “Is it Just Me?” column for Blissfully Domestic every Friday. But for the rest of the week you can visit her at The Glamorous Life Association,