In college, I had a roommate who was less than desirable.  He was loud, obnoxious and an overall nuisance.  Since then he has grown into a fine adult with several adorable children, but I couldn’t help but to torture him whenever I got the chance (it’s only fair, right?).

He ate a ton of hard-boiled eggs, and I think he just did it because he knew the smell of them would drive me out of the house.  After a long day of school and work, I came home to find a refrigerator full of a dozen hard-boiled eggs.  Feeling ready for a fight, I went to work on his eggs.  I found a white crayon, a bottle of vinegar and some food coloring.

After about an hour, and several slightly pornographic drawings later, my roommate was now the recipient of some freshly dyed eggs.  I drew as many “appendages” as my egg-drawing-skills would allow, and then dyed the eggs the girliest colors I could come up with.  I returned the bowl to the fridge, as festive as Easter morning, and stalked the fridge like a lion hunting her prey.

He never kept regular hours, so I finally retreated to my room, keeping the door open just in case he made it home before two in the morning.  Around ten at night, he came storming into the house, as quiet as a herd of wildebeest, and proceeded to where His Drunkness usually went after an evening of drunken debauchery (although it was early, so I’m sure he wasn’t completely hammered, just annoyingly so).

The next thing I heard was like music to my ears “What the hell happened to my eggs?” on top of his lungs.  My other roommate, who had noticed the oddly colored eggs in the fridge hours earlier, and I burst out laughing, running down the stairs to make fun of him.

To this day, the thought of a 6’2”, 250 pound man sitting on campus at our college, eating a phalically-adorned pink hard-boiled egg makes me incredibly happy, especially because he wasn’t observant enough to notice the egg hieroglyphics!  What’s even better is that it took him several days to get through those dozen eggs, and I received several high-fives and ‘atta-girls’ from our mutual friends, many of whom had the same feelings for him as I did.

Lesson of the day…never cross your roommate!