Ok, so you’ve got friends coming over in an hour and the house is a wreck. What do you do? If you’re my Hubs, you break out the leaf blower. Sad, but true. The beautiful man that I married cleaned our house one sunny afternoon with the leaf blower. From what he tells me (I was at work and he took the day off), he strapped on my dad’s trusty safety goggles and started at the front door. He then blew every last piece of dust and dog hair through the house and out the back door. While the house had never been cleaner, I had to beg him to repaint the ceiling in the living room, as leaf blowers have a nasty tendency to leave a black residue when used indoors.

With that lesson learned, I have come up with my own list of kamikaze cleaning tips, which I hope will be as helpful to you as they have been to me:

· Make your bed and do your dishes. This is a housekeeping staple, and it’s as true today as it was in 1962. Plus, you never know when you’ll need to toss coats and purses on the bed and who really wants a guest wandering into your bedroom to retrieve their coat, only to stand agape at the mountain of dirty clothes and random stuff on your bed, wondering what kind of pig she has for a friend?

· Where will your guests be congregating? Focus on those areas only. If they’ll be located in the living room, kitchen, dining room, and bathroom, for example, then don’t give the kids’ room a second thought. Just close the door and pray your guests don’t smell the week’s worth of dirty laundry under the bed.

· Never underestimate the appeal of your bathroom. If you have soft, fluffy towels set out, ample guest soap, and sparkling chrome, you’re golden. Make sure to close the shower curtain so your guests don’t find themselves staring at all of your beauty products while they’re using the loo. Sure, you’re okay with your need to use certain products, but that doesn’t mean that your guests need to know about them.

· Candles and flowers are your friends. For candles, I like vanilla and cinnamon (note: go for bitter cinnamon, rather than the sweet, artificial cinnamon scents, which can be cloying). Most people like those smells and they blend together very well. Apple cinnamon is also a big favorite in my house. Please take caution when blending scents in your home. As I learned from the Great Allergic Episode of 2004, rose, vanilla, and pine are three scents that should never meet.

· In an emergency (not that I’ve ever had to do this!), grab all of the random stuff piling up in corners and shove it in a box. Temporarily relocate this stuff under your bed or in the basement, if need be.

· Vacuum, vacuum, vacuum. There’s a lot to be said for the diamond pattern Mom yearned for in the 70′s. To many, those little marks say “clean house.”

· Nothing undermines your efforts at assumed cleanliness like dusty knickknacks. Break out the Swiffer duster and be done with it.

· Speaking of dust, toss the dusty potpourri. There is nothing sadder than a dingy bowl of dried flowers.

· Check the corners of your throw rugs and make sure they’re secured. Who wants a lawsuit after a guest who’s had one to many glasses of kool-aid trips and threatens to sue you? Besides, nothing ruins a good party like a trip to the ER, so make sure those babies are secured. Double-stick tape will save you on this.

· Finally, ensure that for every place there is to sit, there is a place to put a drink. Trust me on this. Otherwise, you are guaranteed that there will be at least one spilled drink on your beloved Pergot. If nothing else, buy a few cheap plastic tables and throw a small tablecloth over them to dress them up. Your floor will thank you.

Seriously, in these situations, the old adage “fake it ’til you make it” applies. When the clock is ticking, every second counts when you’re trying to make others think you’re Martha Stewart, rather than Fred Sanford. Just follow my tips, set aside some time to make yourself gorgeous (Really, who wants to be greeted by a sweaty mess when they ring the doorbell?), and take a deep breath. Relax. You did it, and you didn’t even have to break out the leaf blower! Now, enjoy!