Photo by www.paulinesart.com

I am midway through the fifty-first year of this wonderful thing called life and for whatever reason, I have become confused.  Not confused in an Alzheimer Disease sort of way.  It’s just up until now; I understood myself, my body and the direction I wanted to take.  At 51, I feel young but look old and out of place.

Over the years, I developed a personality that is full of life and energy.  Whether I am working in a corporate office, doing charity work or simply blogging in my home office, I take the task at hand seriously and handled with passion.  But, there is always the element of fun and mischief.  My husband’s boss always says I have a twinkle in my eye that looks a little dangerous at the same time.  I am the lady at a social luncheon who will break the ice with a slightly off-colored joke.

My body has had the most dramatic transformation over the years.  When I got married in 1980, I weighed 100 pounds.  Up until 2001, I never weighed over 115 pounds.  With a 5’4″ height, I was always on the thin side.  Yet for the past eight years, I have steadily gained pounds and now I hover around 135 pounds.  While I see the changes in the bathroom mirrors, it is hard to believe that reflection is actually me.

The problem is I want to grow old gracefully.  I have always admired women who have simplified their style and color selections and move with a certain grace.  It is the image in my mind of who I should be at this point in my life.  Yet, the look is hard to achieve with a roly-poly stomach, a wrinkly face due to constant sun exposure and not taking the time to pull my wardrobe together in a more subtle manner.  I spend most of my time loving life and having fun.

Maybe I will become more graceful over time, or maybe I will create a new image of who I really am.  The joy is in the journey, of course.  Only time will tell.

Beth describes her zany life daily at http://emtnester.blogspot.com.   You can follow her on Twitter at www.twitter/emtnester.com.