This latest question deals with a topic that hasn’t been discussed in much depth here on Blissfully Blended: adult stepchildren. I think many of us see somewhat of a “finish line” of sorts at age 18 – we think, the children will legally be adults, graduate high school, and move on to start their own adult lives on their own. Sometimes, as you can see from the below question, that doesn’t happen.
I have one adult stepdaughter living with me and my husband. She has been rude, etc. towards me and is not going to be moving out any time soon. I have talked to my husband and he has spoken to her about her behavior, but not much has changed. How do I go about co-existing in the same house with her until she moves out one day? [ I have talked to my husband about giving her a timetable to move out. Not happening.] Do I just ignore her, which has been hard? Any suggestions? Anyone have had to deal with anything similar?
Ouch. It’s NOT unreasonable to expect to be treated with respect in your home. In my opinion, that should be non-negotiable. She doesn’t have to like you, but treating you rudely is not okay. If your husband has already talked with his daughter about her behavior and she’s still treating you in a rude manner, it may be time to talk with her again – letting her know that in the house, it is expected that everyone will treat each other with respect, and that is a condition of living in the home.
Have you and your husband established a game plan for your stepdaughter? In your shoes, I would want to know what my husband saw as the plan – she can stay as long as she’s in college, rent free? She can stay indefinitely even if she’s not attending classes, but perhaps she’s expected to pay a token amount for rent? She’s expected to contribute to helping with the household chores (Actually, I think this is a must – for all kids over the age of two – if they CAN help, they SHOULD).
I wish you luck because it certainly can’t be easy OR fun to be treated poorly in your home. It’s not right, and it’s not fair. Readers, what advice can you offer to our stepmother?